Kindness is a subject currently in vogue, seemingly as if it had just been discovered! Kindness is, of course, just one aspect of spirituality in relationships. But what is kindness and why should we be kind?
Kindness has a strong association with empathy and compassion. Those who find it difficult to be compassionate invariably find it equally difficult to be kind. Kindness necessarily implies a relationship between me and someone, or something, else. Through kindness we extend ourselves and put ourselves in another’s shoes. The suffragist Mary T Lathrap (1838-1895) had it right when she prayed:
… don’t find fault with the man that limps, Or stumbles along the road. Unless you have worn the moccasins, he wears, Or stumbled beneath the same load.
It is easy to jump to conclusions when we witness someone acting in a way less than good, but invariably we cannot see the reasons and are unwilling to be patient until these are revealed or become evident. Much to our chagrin, we find arising within us an unkind thought which is invariably twinned with an unkind word – the reverse of how, in reality, we would like to be. Kindness, on the other hand, refrains from the acerbic remark and unpleasant scowl which, like the Medusa, turn everything to stone, petrifying the lifeblood in the living being and causing it to withdraw. Kindness, though, has real warmth – it opens and softens the heart; causes the bud, with all its tender shoots, to open and generates true exchange. Compassion is equally important as it allows us to feel with others and to be fully present. It refrains from ‘fixing’ things and simply listens without judgement.
We have all been unkind and experienced unkindness. How does it make us feel? Whether perpetrator or sufferer, we are likely to experience a sense of isolation which distances us from others rather than draws us to them. Unbidden, an unpleasant sense of superiority may surface which says that we, after all, ‘know better’ – a sort self-justification which leaves us feeling estranged.
Kindness, on the other hand, has us reaching out to others; checking that they are okay and being solicitous of their wellbeing. With attention, we can manifest kindness in many small ways throughout our day. We can also be kind to ourselves. Do we push beyond our limits and carry on working when we should be taking a breather? Do we take time each morning to pause and remember how precious we are? Do we provide our bodies we nutritious food and drink or do we rush on with snack in hand?
Now we come to why should we be kind? Without kindness the world would clearly be a poorer place. Without kindness we leave ourselves, and others, feeling isolated and uncared for. Kindness is entwined with love. By extending it we foster a sense of connectedness and help to bring about an ‘atmosphere’ out of which creation springs – a love conducive to new birth. With kindness we help to heal ourselves and our broken world.
It was Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806-1861) who wrote: How do I love the? Let me count the ways…’ Can we count the ways to express kindness? Probably not. It radiates out of us (or not) through each word that springs to our lips and how we voice it, from each act we initiate, and from the environment we create around us.
Let’s choose to be kind! 
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